Unpredictable
by Bfghunter2
Summary: Sheogorath is bored. So what is a Daedra to do? Well seal yourself into a sacred gear and give yourself to the most perverted mortal you can find for your vacation of course! Follow Issei the weilder of the one and only WABAJACK on an adventure filled with violence, lemons and cheese! Yes definitely can't forget the cheese.
1. Chapter 1

Unpredictable

Chapter 1: CHEESE!

[Realm of madness]

Madness is such an interesting thing. It can make kind men cruel, dumb men smart and...oh who are we kidding?! Madness is madness! This was what was so BORING about it. There was too much structure to madness and insanity! This was the problem faced by a immortal being. His hair white and frizzy, half his suit red, the other purple, his eyes yellow and slitted and his accent, Scottish. He had many names and titles, the Mad Hatter, Sheogorath and...Ted. Yes that's right, he was also known as Ted. He sighed, sitting atop his throne as he watched the short blonde Brenton girl known as Alice the mad of Ciridel throw a sweet role at the Khajiit known as Ra'viit the white for his albino appearance. Ra'viit sputtered before throwing a dwemer gear at the keg smashing it and flinging mead all over the place.

"~BURP!~ BORING!" Sheogorath burped before groaning. They did this every other Tuesday and twice on Alice's unbirthday. "I'm SOOOO BOOORRRED!" he bemoaned.

"Oh! Oh! I know! I know!" Alice cried, jumping up and down excitedly. "Let's turn all of the swords in Riften keep into goats high on Skooma!"

"Nah, did that last Monday. Wasn't even much chaos, they just hired the Dragonborn to clean the mess up." Sheogorath sighed glumly, his chin resting in his palm.

"Make the dawmguard think they are all succubuses?" Ra'viit suggested. Sheogorath rolled his eyes, randomly firing off his Wabajack.

"I'm the prince of insanity, not cruel and unusual punishments, that would be-OOH LOOK CHEESE!" Sheogorath cut off pointing at some random butterfly that flew backwards which got turned to cheese by the Wabajack. He then looked at his staff before a torch appeared above his head. It probtly fell on it but was ignored. "I shall put myself into this! Then I shall kick myself into one of those other worlds Akatosh made and hehey presto! Fun for me and you and I and her and Thy and ooh cheese for all! Wait no, no I'll take all the cheese! No! Even better! I'll let myself serve a Pervert! They are always crazy and attract crazy people! Alice! Ra'viit! Pack your pouches and tell the others we're all going on vacation!"

[Earth, Midguard, Japan, Kouh]

Issei sighed tiredly, flopping down onto his bed. It was Sunday and tomorrow was the first day of school at his new Highschool. He had gotten kicked out of his old one due to something COMPLETELY not his fault! How was he supposed to know how the teacher turned into a bloody goat! Seriously one red flash and poof goat in a dress.

*TSHVRRRRRRMPH.*

With a solid thump something landed at the base of his bed. It was a dark wood staff with three faces of insanity carved onto the top, their mouths extended open revealing a small purple fire nestled in the middle.

"What the heck?!" Issei yelped, jumping away from the strange staff.

"Ooh! You'll do!" A scottish voice echoed. With that a purple blast flew from the staff and struck Issei in the chest, knocking him out. "Now for some tweaks. Make that perminant, add that, get rid of that and ooh! He has a Dovah in him! Ha! This! Is! Cheese!...wait...Sparta?...I mean AWESOME!"

With another flash a piece of cheese appeared on the desk and a stripe of white formed down the middle of his hair like a racing stripe on a car. He twitched, inside his mind a very interesting meeting was taking place.

[Issei's Mindscape]

Issei looked around the giant smokey blackness. Off to one side a giant red dragon was sleeping soundly, to the other three beings sitting at a long table. A white haired man in clashing clothes, a small blonde girl In a blue dress and a big bloody cat guy.

"Yep. I am going mad." Issei lamented sadly.

"No. I ain't done nothing!" The man in red and purple shouted defensively. "Anywho, I am Sheogorath Daedric prince of Madness, insanity and cheese."

"Hi!" The chippeer blonde girl laughed joyfully. "I am ALICE! HI!"

"Ra'viit is me, or is it I? Ra'viit is unsure...want some-WOLVES! I HEARD WOLVES!" The white cat-man shouted in terror, shaking in terror atop the large red dragon.

"He, is...whoever he is. I don't know that great big Dovah honestly." Sheogorath shrugged with a gesture to the large red dragon. "ANYWAY, do I have a deal for you. You can say yes or no but if you say no, I'll turn you inside out and call you Mary! Now, onto that deal, you see being a god of Madness gets pretty boring so I decided that I will stuff my soul into my staff THE WABAJACK! and give it to You. Yes you, who else is more perverted than you. Now so this isn't TOTALLY boring, I did modify what my staff does, I ain't telling you anything other than point the head at whoever you want and Poof! Enjoy the results. Sometimes it's permanent, other times its not. Completely random! Haha! Now...where was I? Oh yeah! I'll also be bringing some friends over in the next few days, carrier monkeys aren't too bright but oh well."

"So, you are putting yourself into the stick that fell on my bed?" Issei asked slowly.

Sheogorath grinned widely. "Now that, is the question."

"Eh?" Issei uttered in confusion. "Well are you or not?"

"Of course I am boy!" Sheogorath laughed aloud. "But also so are my friends here. Meet Alice the mad and Ra'viit the white, two of my most faithful followers who aren't annoying."

"So, one face for each of you?" Issei asked remembering the weird staff. He'd only ever seen something on that really weird show Magical Girl Levia-tan that he'd seen one night when messing with his TV antenna and was unable to find it again but the special effects were awesome.

"Yep!" Sheogorath grinned, popping the 'P'. "You see this will be fun for both parties. You get a Harem, I get my amusement not sex, never really saw the point in that."

Issei looked aghast at that. NOT INTERESTED IN SEX?! THATS well...crazy actually.

"Now, take this." Sheogorath grinned, handing Issei a silver ring, three screaming faces imprinted around the face of it resembled the Wabajack. "This will serve as a way to summon forth the power of the Wabajack discreetly as there's no fun if you're caught after all. Anywho...almost dawn, have fun, buy gold and ...TOODLES!"

[Issei's room, morning]

With a startled yelp, Issei sprung forwards, the first thing he noticed was the staff on his bed. He gulped, last night wasn't a dream. He looked down at his hands only to find that he did indeed have the weird ring on his finger and there was now cheese on his dresser in place of his formerly broken alarm clock.

[It's permanent.] Sheogorath's voice called. Issei jumped, noticing the ring glowing a soft orange. [Okay, here is how this works, No open perversion, maddening for you buuuut sexy for the ladies, after all Harems are the second best crazy out there. The best is whether or not you left the stove on! Ha!]

"Issei! Wake up!" His mum called from downstairs.

"Coming!" He called back, he then turned to his ring. "Uh, so I just go on like normal and get a harem huh? And that is what you want?"

[Yep! Alice is a Vouyer so she'll have fun, Ra'viit likes watching yellow or bronze things and I just wanna Wabajack shit!] Sheogorath replies as if it was simple math. [Now get to school I sense a disturbance in the force!]

"Isn't that from that movie?" Issei asked as he got dressed.

[What's a movie?] Sheogorath asked, genuinely confused about what a movie was. [Bloody heck that'll drive me nuts... Oh Haha! I like you already kid!]

"ISSEI GET UP!" His mum called in anger.

"I'm coming!" He called, rushing downstairs, not realising that the Wabajack vanished nor his now white streak of hair. He literally grabbed his toast and rushed for school, bag on his back and barely made it before the bell. Not noticing a red haired girl spying on him from the upper window of the disused dorms.

[Homeroom]

Issei was panting slightly as he entered his new classroom. It was with the second years and two weeks into the school year. Already four students stood out. Two who were obvious perverts. The other two was a pair of girls, a short pinkette and a black haired girl who was taller than most in the class, the only spare seat happened to be between them. Issei noticed a strange feeling coming from the pinkette, like a soft humming.

[SHE'S A FOLLOWER!] Sheogorath cried joyfully. Issei flinched, luckily it coincided with the squeals from the girls of the class, covering any oddness of the act.

"Class, meet Hyodou Issei, a new transfer from West-end High, please treat him well, Hyodou please sit in the spare spot between Katase and Murayama." The teacher instructed. As issei predicted, the perverts started up a verbal firefight at his placement.

"Hi, I'm Katase. I hope we can be friends." The pinkette grinned which had a slight unnerving quality to it.

[I like her already she is battle crazy!] Sheogorath cried joyfully. Issei gulped nervously.

"Hi, I'm Murayama nice to meet you." The tall dark haired girl gave a soft smile.

[BORING!]

"H-hi. I'm Hyodou Issei, you can just call me Issei or Ise." Issei replied nervously.

"Pay attention class." The teacher called aloud.

This continued on in similar fashion until the end of the day with Katase following Issei around like a lost puppy which according to Sheogorath was hi fault as he attracted the crazy.

[After school]  
Issei kept looking behind him as he walked home, he felt like someone was watching him.

[You sadly aren't crazy if they really are...] Ra'viit sighed sadly, being the more jumpy of the trio in the Wabajack he was more likely to notice these things.

"Hey Hyodou Kun will you go out with me!" A buxom black haired teenage girl cried running upto him, breasts bouncing as she got rather close.

It was at this moment Issei and Alice had the same thought. "[HEHE Boobies]"

"Uh s-sure." Issei stuttered. "[SCORE!]" Both he and Alice internally cried. "May I ask your name?" He asked aloud.

[Easy kid, she's feisty.] Sheogorath warned mentally. It wouldn't do for his entertainment to die so soon after all.

The girl smiled brightly, pushing her breasts up as she clasped her hands together. "I'm Yuuma, Yuuma Amano!"

End.

Thoughts and suggestions and don't forget CHEESE! 


	2. Chapter 2

Unpredictable

Chapter 2: BIRDS AND MUDCRABS!

Issei was annoyed. Sheogorath was amused. It wasn't too hard to find out what or rather who was the source of Issei's annoyance. According to Sheogorath he'd been followed by a Khajiit girl after school and left shortly after meeting Yuuma who apparently was a Hagraven...no idea what a hagraven is but it didn't sound pleasant.

He was currently making his way home when he encountered a rather odd sight. A red haired man in a tuxido yelling at the top of his lungs: "How can Riser Phoenix The Heir of clan Phoenix be lost in the human world to see Riser's Lovely Rias?!"

[Oh, I see, the Daedra speaks in third person.] Sheogorath stated mentally.

"You there! Human filth with the sacred gear, where may Riser find Rias Gremory?" Riser demanded.

[Wabajack him.] Sheogorath stated. [He's giving me a headache! hell! I'll make it last two hours even just to shut him up!]

"Deal." Issei said aloud, glad to shut up the anniying Daedra and that the street was abandoned asides him and this Phoenix guy.

"Huh so the lowly hu-" riser was cut off by a rather amusing war cry of "WABAJACK!" Followed by his immediate transformation into a red chicken who clucked angrily.

"PFFFT! HAHAHA!" Issei couldn't help it, that was hilarious!

"BUGAAAAAK!" Was the rather angry chicken's response as it flapped its wings in anger.

[Okay, let's go human. That mother of yours is worse than Alduin when angered.] Ra'viit requested with a shuddering voice. Issei had honestly no idea who or even what an Alduin is or was so he let it drop, can't be that bad, right?

[In transit to Japan via boat]

Asia Argento was a rather shy and quiet girl. This was mostly due to her upbringing in the church and her isolation from most human contact. Tonight however, all that would soon change as a small rectangular stone carving necklace appeared around her neck, three symbols carved into it's surface. From this moment onwards as Asia met with the new being residing within her mind her old timid self was gone, and a new confidence flooded her, she felt as if she could devour the world.

[Japan, Kouh, Issei's room]

Issei sighed tiredly as he continued to Wabajack his entire porn collection into permimant items, most of which was Cheese, there was a tiny bat, three different hats, a pair of boots and oddly a thimble. With the final flash, he turned his last item of porn into something rather odd, it looked like a large grey crab.

[[[MUDCRAB!]]] All three occupants of the Wabajack cried in laughter but it quickly stopped when it picked up a knife.

"The hell?" Issei asked from atop his bed as the large crab scuttled around on the floor.

[Mudcrabs, meniel annoyances really unfortunately this one has a knife, careful, PROTECT YOUR SHINS!] Sheogorath called loudly.

The dog sizes crab hissed as it scuttled around, knocking over the table with a crash.

"Issei? What's going on up there?" His mum called as she climbed the stairs.

[Crap, can't Wabajack it back, the staff is out of charge!] Sheogorath cried.

"Issei! Who is that?" His mum cried.

Inside the Wabajack, Sheogorath covered his mouth while Ra'viit covered his eyes, unwilling to see the ensuring sight and Alice, well she just covered her ears thinking it was a game.

With a thump, his mum swung open the door as issei began to try and blugeon the large crab with the shaft of the Wabajack. "Stupid mudcrab! Die!"

"What the hell is a giant crab doing here?!" His mum cried, quickly jumping atop the bed in fear, she really didn't like crabs or lobsters, prawns, any shellfish actually.

[My fault. Nice to mmet you I am Sheogorath.] The daedric prince greeted. [I stuck myself and two companions souls in the stick your son is CURRENTLY USING THE HIT THE CRAB WITH BY MARA BOY STOP IT!]

"T-the stick talked." Issei's mum stuttered.

[Yep, I am a god!] Sheogorath laughed evily. [Want some cheese? I may of gone overboard to help your son reduce his porn collection to nothing and accidentally made that thing.] Sheogorath explained as issei dodged back from a swing of the crab's knife. [Long story short, I decided for this century's vacation, I'd serve a mortal for entertainment. So, time to kill us a crab! Alright boy, thing spraks and lightning then aim your left hand and push that energy outward!]

Issei did as told and unleashed a rather powerful blast of lightning, frying the crab instantly and boiling it's insides to a slurry."whoa."

[Whoa! Haha! You're a natural! That wasn't just a sparks, that was Chain Lightning!] Sheogorath cheered loudly. [Lad you are by far the third most interesting mortal I've met! Right behind Pelaguis the mad and the dragonborn of course. You are however, tied for third with that Cicero chap.]

"So, you carry around gods now son? Is he the one who turned your teacher into a goat?" Issei's mum asked in agitation towards the staff.

[Wait, you never told me you did that! Ha! No wonder I liked ya lad!] Sheogorath laughed loudly. [And you lady, ha I like you aswell! Say since with me here your son'll live centuries wanna get immortality? I honestly need something to keep Alice occupied so she doesn't do something stupid like possess someone to fuck your son to death and...PAY ATTENTION LAD!] Issei who had been drooling and spacing out at the idea snapped out of it with a pout, unknowingly mirroring what Alice was doing.

"What's the catch?" Issei's mum asked.

"Oh simple, you gotta be at least slightly mad and like cheese." Issei shrugged, already knowing the the mad god was like.

[Bingo! So is that a deal?] Sheogorath asked.

"Well I would like more time to find someone special, especially after Issei's father passed away...any side effects?" She asked.

[Craving for Cheese, love of orange and Purple clothes and becoming partially Daedra.] Sheogorath replied simply, as if he'd made the deal hu-...you know he probably has done it a lot, hasn't he?

"I'll think on it." She replied wearily.

[Alrighty-o then. You got till the end of the next full moon which is I think two weeks away.] Sheogorath stated cheerfully. [Fail to decide in that time and I'll turn you anyway.]

"So, how long until the Wabajack is recharged?" Issei asked aloud.

[Well you just killed a small sized mudcrab so eh...about six more of the buggers.] Sheogorath replied with a rough estimate. [You see all Daedric artifacts require a sacrifice of life to use, don't worry though lad this one crab can allow the Wabajack to be used seven times more also, this thing doesn't accept sentient souls, used to but nah, don't want you killing everything just yet, where's the fun in that?]

[The next day at school, Lunch time]

Issei sighed as he rested under the cherry blossom that was just outside of the old dorms. The energy the place exuded was rather relaxing in all honestly.

[It's due to the fact Daedric energy surrounds the place lad, it's rather warm and fuzzy kinda like a viscous saber tooth snow cat.] Sheogorath yawned tiredly.

"Hey." A soft voice broke both Sheogorath and Issei out of their peaceful rest. Looming slightly above them was the short first year, Koneko. The Silver haired mascot of the school.

[Kid, she's the Khajiit Daedra from yesterday.] Sheogorath warned. [Go ahead and say hello, if she tries to harm ya, I'll back you up in a fight, preferably a cheese fight.]

"Oh, hi Koneko right?" Issei smiled. She nodded once, her face kept blank. "Nice to meet someone else like me."

At that Koneko's eyes went wide in shock. "What are you?"

"Human. But I lug around a Daedra like you." Issei stated calmly as he summoned the Wabajack. "Meet Sheogorath, Ra'viit and Alice. All three live in this thing." Koneko blinked then nodded. "Uh, look I know this may sound odd but do you know someone who could teach me to better control my lightning magic? I almost fried my text book this morning and I don't wanna hurt someone."

"I'll see." Koneko stated, handing him a flyer before walking off. Issei once again had the feeling he was being watched and caught a glimpse of red hair in one of the upper windows before the person watching vanished behind the blinds.

[After school at the bridge]

Issei smiled calmly as he waited. Sheogorath was busy and wouldn't be annoying him for a while, Alice was apparently in her room being a pervert and Ra'viit was hiding somewhere.

"Hey issei!" A voice called. He turned to see Yuuma walking over, a bright smile adorning her face. She was wearing a grey jumper and black dress with plain white shoes. "I didn't keep you waiting long did I?"

"Nah I just got here." He smiled. Mentally he was cheering, he always wanted to say that! "Oh, here, I got you something." He smiled, pulling a enchanted necklace from his back pocket. It wasn't much but it did increase one's stanima reserves a bit. "Its not everyday that one find another magic user so I had it enchanted."

"W-what?" Yuuma stuttered in shock and panic.

"It's okay no ill towards you." Issei waved her concerns off. He held up his palm which sparked with electricity. "I sort of smell the magic on you." Totally a lie but he wasn't about to tell about Sheogorath and the Wabajack so easily.

"O-oh. So you know I'm a" Yuuma gulped.

"Hagraven? Yep." Issei interrupted.

"Eh?! What the hell is a Hagraven?!" Yuuma growled in anger. "I'm a fallen angel not a hag raven! That sounds like an insult you damned human!"

"Sorry, kinda hard to tell the difference between your kinds. Smell of bird and darkness with a hint of light." Issei fumbled, remembering how Sheogorath explained what a Hagraven's magic smells like.

Yuuma sighed glumly. "Are you kidding me? If I smell like bird then Azazel sama will never like me..."

"Hey, I like you." Issei smiled. Internally he was confused. Did Alice seriously just hijack his mouth then?

"W-what?" Yuuma stuttered, blushing profusely. "W-whatever. Let's get this date over with." The blushing fallen stuttered. Meanwhile two observers looked on in shock. One was Koneko, the other was a man in a trenchcoat with a pair of black feathered wings. 


	3. Chapter 3

Unpredictable

AN: sorry for lack of updates, got a new phone and forgot to transfer the old files so I had to start from scratch without my usual half page of poorly written (mostly scribbled) notes. (No clue where I left my scrap books 2, 5 and 6)

Chapter 3: Dates and past regrets

The date was simple. A trip to the local Arcade where Yuuma practically mopped the floor with Issei in all but the Claw machines and air hockey. Ra'viit inside the magically stored wabbajack was watching the puck fly across the board, his eyes mimicking the movements much like Alice was and Sheogorath had decided to sit cross legged on the underside of a giant sized high chair, a terran beer hat on his chin, each cup filled with liquid cheese. His left hand had a giant novelty pointing hand labeled "#1 Mad God" and his right hand, a turtle.

After spending a hour there, they decided to move along to the more secluded area of the park where a picnic basket was set up along with a blanket and drinks.

"Well don't you move fast?" Yuuma practically laughed at seeing the setup. "You know if I were to kill you here, nobody would find you for days"

Issei chuckled a bit, thinking it a joke. "Or nobody could hear your cute laugh."

There was no response, turning he saw the fallen angel blushing up a storm as she ridgedly Sat down.

[Boy be careful, she MAY actually try ta kill you] Sheogorath warned around a mouthful of cheese

"Hummina hummina" Alice uttered as Yuuma Sat, her breasts jiggeling slightly.

"Ra'viit wishes he had been named Maariik like Ra'viit's father and brother" The Kajiit confessed, shaking like a leaf next to Alice.

Yuuma wouldn't admit it, even as she exchanged notes on magic with Issei and helped herself to some rather tasty crab that looked too large to be local, but just once she wished she didn't have to kill her target. Sure the kid was a perv but he still kept respectful and was fun to be around, the last time she truly remembered having fun was back in Heaven, playing hide and seek with Milette and Gabrielle, three days later she fell because some old perverted freak gave the child she was meant to watch over a porn magazine. Milette fell shortly after her for punching Michael in the face for what she said "was the human's fault, not her's!"

"So," Issei interrupted her thoughts making her look up, a crab leg dangling from her mouth. Inside the Wabbajack, Ra'viit schieked and fainted making Sheogorath roll his eyes and Alice giggle insanely as she held up a quill and ink. "If you're a fallen angel, how did you fall? Uh, that's if er y-you don't mind sharing that is."

Yuuma sighed deeply as she put the crab leg down on a napkin before looking Issei square in the eyes. "Ten years ago, you probably would of been about six or seven years old at the time, the child I was at the time meant to watch as their guardian angel decided to visit a park with their two friends, as normal I thought nothing of it, he would do that a lot after his other friend left him for England with their father, however, I looked away for a few moments to make sure no devils were around when m-my wings, they turned black and I started to fall. On my way down I saw what happened, some sick old fuck gave the kid a porn magazine while I wasn't looking. I, I failed Ise." By this point, tears were flowing down Yuuma's face, her shoulders shaking.

"I'm sorry." Issei uttered looking down in shame, he knew who she was talking about. "If i knew what it was at the time or how it made you fall I would of never gone to the park that day. I'm sorry."

Inside the Wabbajack while Alice scribbled various things across Ra'viit's face Sheogorath facepalmed, slowly dragging his hand down his face before ending up pulling his bottom lip.

"For fucks sake. The kid's either gonna get gutted or gonna end up with some weird combination of the Lusty Argonian and a mother bear in angel form." The mad god groaned before pinching the bridge of his nose. "Better not fucking cut my vacation time short either."

Back outside the Wabbajack Issei still had his head bowed in shame, a pervert he may be but he'd never willingly cause harm to a woman unless it was life or death. Yuuma sat there seething in rage, a burning violet spear of light appeared in her clenched fist, it's sizzling and crackling making Issei look up fearfully. With a yell of absolute rage the spear was thrown. A purple flash and Issei had the Wabbajack in his hands, holding it defensively, expecting to be hit. With a thud, then boom a tree was destroyed.

"WATCH WHERE THE FUCK YOU'RE AIMING YOU BITCH!" A fedora and trench coat wearing man bellowed from above, a pair of black wings betraying him as a Fallen Angel.

"YOU STAY AWAY FROM MY ISE DONNASEEK" Yuuma shouted, throwing another spear at the poorly disguised fallen Angel. A feral twitch developed in her eye, her teeth bared. "I WON'T LET YOU KILL HIM!"

[Well, fuck. Yandere.] Sheogorath uttered. [Kid, Wabbajack some shit]

"Damn, WABBAJACK!" Issei cried, firing a purple pulse towards the ruined tree.

"You missed moron!" Donaseek cackled.

"Oh no, I hit my target." Issei gave a toothy grin while Yuuma just snorted. There was now a rather large, very angry red chicken standing above where the tree is. "Guys, meet Riser the angry daedric chicken, now in supersize."


	4. Chapter 4

Unpredictable

Chapter 4: When Chickens fly

Donaseek could only raise an eyebrow at the rather large chicken as it tried to attack him, ignoring the other two in the clearing. A few flaps of his wing and he was higher than the bird could reach when jumping. The thing was easily the size of a small shed. A purple orb and spear flying past him, barely missing his wings brought him back to the problem at hand.

"LEAVE MY ISE ALONE!" Raynare shrieked as she ditched another spear, a purple orb forming at the tip of the wooden staff Issei carried.

"Too slow!" He snapped as a spear suddenly impailed Issei from behind. Raynare briefly froze in shock, he had teleported behind them, that's why he hadn't attacked back.

"Oh...fuck." Issei gasped as he collapsed into a steadily growing pool of his own blood. Raynare quickly became furious at this, shifting to her true form as she summoned up a storm of light spears. "YOU BASTARD! YOU KILLED ISSEI!"

"Raynare he's just a human." The fallen angel scoffed, crossing his arms stubbornly.

"I LIKED HIM!" Raynare roared, hurling the storm of spears at the arrogant Fallen. "HE! WAS! MY! ISE!" She screamed, each word punctuated with another wave of light spears. At this point Donaseek was covered in cuts and was bleeding profusely as he crashed into the tree bellow, smashing it further as the chicken vanished. Now sure he was dead, she turned back to issei, a pamphlet had fallen out of his pocket, she picked it up. It was a Devil contract circle. While it wasn't the best idea and she'd probably die for this, it was the only sure fire way to save Issei. With that, she focused her magic into the circle and soon it was glowing violet with her magic.

With a flash of crimson a red haired girl in uniform appeared.

"Gremory...oh good I was worried for a second there." Raynare sighed. She continued before the red head could comment. "Please save my issei for me." She continued, bowing low to the ground, much like a slave would to their master. "Donaseek had killed him on our first date and I don't want him to die."

"A fallen? Begging for help for a human from a devil?" The red haired Gremory asked in shock. "What's your game?"

"Nothing! I honestly liked him but that bastard impailed onto the side of the tree killed him." Raynare explained with a slight jerk of her head towards the dead body of her former comrad. This however was interrupted by a mad cackle. They both spun to look at Issei only to see a man in red and purple sitting asides him on a wheel of cheese of all things.

"Well hi there!" The man grinned widely. "I am Sheogorath daedric prince of Madness, anyway can one of you please save my host? Pretty please? I promise I won't rip out your eyeballs if you do."

"What is an Daedric god doing here?" Rias asked in shock and confusion. After all occasionally she got contracts from Nirn so she had of course known about the Aedra and Daedra.

"Well that's a bit of a story so I'll shorten it. Got bored. Came here crazy bastard stabbed my host. No watching sex for Alice." Sheogorath stated with an uncaring shrug. "Anywho... SAVE. HIM. NOW." He ordered slowly and forcefully. Rias gulped and nodded, the Daedric princes weren't to be trifled with even by the satans.

"Wait." Raynare stopped her, grabbing her wrist. "I can't loose him. I only just got him back. Please, reincarnate me too. I made the contract, to save him I have to offer something, that's how you devils work right? I offer my service to you in exchange for his life to be saved."

"Very well." Rias muttered begrudgingly.

"Chop chop lassy. Only got a few moments left in the physical world bef-" with a violet flash Sheogorath vanished. The cheese wheel he had been sitting on melted slightly from the heat of the magic and fell over.

Rias sighed softly as she pulled out a pawn from a Instagram which just appeared floating in front of her. She wasn't expecting however for the other 7, including the four of them that were mutation pieces to come tunneling out as well. "Damn, he's powerful."

"Of course he is, he's been using the Wabbajack without going insane. My Ise is definitely powerful." Raynare gave a proud smirk.

Rias ignored her and placed the eight pawns on Issei's chest around the stab wound, glad that light spears disperse upon hitting their target, less clean up and such. "I, Rias Gremory, Heiress of the House Gremory of the 72 pillars of the underworld do hereby call upon you Issei Hyodou to rejoice in your new life and live again as my pawn!" With a flash of red and purple, Issei's stab wound vanished, only a torn and bloody shirt marked what had happened. She then turned to Raynare. "I need your full name."

"It's just Raynare." The fallen angel replied as she walked over to Issei and sat down besides him, brushing his admittedly messy hair out of his face.

Rias nodded as another pentagram appeared midair, this time a single bishop fell out into her waiting hand. "If you go through with this, you will be my servant, you do know this right?"

"I don't care, I just wish to be with my Ise again." Raynare muttered, taking the bishop piece and placing it in the middle of her cleavage. With a muted red glow it sunk into her chest making her moan in a way that made rias squirm a bit. Akeno had a simular reaction when she was reincarnated. With a quick flick, both her wings were out, capturing the dazed attention of their barer. A small frown graced Raynare's face as she softly touched her new batlike wing. "Oh how far I've gone. From heaven to earth to hell. Stupid perverted old man." 


	5. Story concept

Concept for a Highschool DxD Evangelion crossover. Tell me what you think.

Pairings: Issei/Misato(Reincarnation of Akeno)/Rei/Asuka(not a total bitch but still bitchy)/Maya

Highschool DxD: A cruel god's life

Issei Hyodou was bored. It wasn't unusual in the least, life repeated a lot for him, it was always the same with the others too. Ophis, Great Red, Trihexa, God, Adam, Eve, they all kept coming back. God creates stuff, Adam and Eve make humanity, Trihexa inevitably destroys it. He missed his family. Ophis was practically all he had left. While reincarnation could naturally happened it was incredibly rare for it to happen.

This Earth was his 7th earth. Of the past 5, he's only found Asia again, she had inherited a rather powerful vampire on the 4th earth who preferred the name Crimson Fucker and was a general pain in the ass and tilted all the portraits in long hallways for giggles. He didn't know when he'd meet her again but it was interesting spending that life, as the pain in the ass vampire put it as a "Big tittied police girl".

This Earth was different already. Adam and Eve had their second fight since their creation and destroyed a large section of mexico and sent the dinosaurs extinct. The resulting fallout was called First Impact by the humans. His father in this life, a bastard in proportionate to Kokabiel, had caused a Second Impact trying to harness Adam's power and vaporized Antartica and killed 1/3 of all life on the planet. Trihexa was laughing it's ass off at that while God facepalmed across the universe, too far away to intervene and wouldn't be back to fix the mess for 30 or so years.

Issei this life was an Ikari. His father was a bastard and his mother literally got eaten by what amounted to a glorified balance breaker. He was still half Devil, half dragon as he was in his first world and right now? He was sitting at a train station awaiting to be picked up by a Misato Katsiguri.

He grinned widely at the photograph she had sent him, a picture of her in swim wear and the words "Look here" with an arrow pointing to her breasts was a dead give away. Even if Asia didn't remember him, her soul had and this was obviously Xenovia's handiwork, it even looked like her when she was in her 300s which is to say she looked 25.

A loud explosion shook the ground as he looked up. A tall lumbering creature with black skin, gaunt limbs, a red orb in its chest and a bird like skull for a head had lumbered around one of the many sky scrapers, ignoring the attack VTOLs surrounding it and firing non stop. It was looking at him.

[Dragon. Where is she?] The kaiju sized being demanded, it's voice not heard but felt.

"Ah crap." Issei uttered, his shoulders slumping. Why was he always being dragged into their arguments?  
The sound of screeching metal brought him out of his thoughts as a large lumbering metal clad being jumped over a nearby bridge, knocking over a light pole and shoulder slammed the child of Adam into a building just as a car skidded to a stop next to him.  
"Get in!" The woman behind the wheel barked.

"Got it." He replied, he didn't like dealing with Adam's kids, asides Armisael who was actually rather fun loving if nieve.

"So, mind explaining why one second I'm getting killed by Trihexa the next I wake up next to a penguin, looking like Xenovia and have new memories?" The woman asked.

"Okay then, not Xenovia, Kuroka?" Issei asked. The driver shook her head, swerving to avoid the armored giant tossed through a building. "DAMNIT REI WATCH WHERE YOU'RE GOING!" She bellowed, sticking her head out the window.

"So, the giant sacred gear that ate mum is Rei?" Issei asked, his eyebrow twitching slightly.

"No, she's piloting it." Was his reply. "And I'm Akeno, forgot your wife did you ara ara?" A sadistic smirk crossed her face.

"Sorry Akeno, this reincarnation stuff is tricky. I met Asia a few lives ago on a different Earth, she had her own mansion and everything...and a fuck mothering vampire."

"A what?" Was the deadpanned reply from Misato.

"An immortal troll who breaks something he calls the 4th wall." Issei shrugged as a loud explosion and light filled their senses, the car soon went flying ass over end as the light began to fade.

"FUCK! I had like 5 repayments left on this thing! And my dress! Ugh this was the only one I had that I liked! Stupid past me!" Misato grumbled as she literally kicked open the driver side door and climbed out of her totaled car. 


End file.
